Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Ölbeat 056: De Ranke XXX Bitter

Brewery: Brouwerij De Ranke
Country: Belgium
Style: Belgian Ale
Abv: 6 %
@RateBeer
The hop-upgraded version of XX Bitter
What about the beer?
Colour is bubbly clear yellow with small white head. Aroma has lemon, yeast and grass. Taste starts with bitter and sour first bite. Lemon sourness and hoppy bitterness ride smoothly together. Near the finish the bitterness gets some tones of yeast and herbs. Aftertaste is sour and dry.

The tasty combination of sour citrus and dry bitter hops works with me. There are similarities with saison and farmhouse ales, which is excellent, but the bitterness turns the experience to a different direction, which is also excellent. Overall very fresh and clear cut experience.

Ölbeat

Bitter-sour brew can be matched with a blues song. Since the beer doesn't loosen its grip on the drinker easily, I found this piece of art from the master of blues rock:

Gary Moore: Enough of the Blues (YouTube)

From the 2001 album Back to the Blues, the song was written by Gary Moore.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Ölbeat 055: Ruosniemen Diplomi-insinööri

Brewery: Ruosniemen Panimo
Country: Finland
Style: Imperial IPA
Abv: 8 %
@RateBeer
Graduate engineer - stronger than the ordinary
What about the beer?
Colour is deep dark orange with big fluffy natural white head. Aroma has orange, lemon and malts. Taste bites first with heavy bitter hops and dry pine. Then sour grapefruit juice fills the mouth, and rough pine shows slowly up. Piny dryness and stinging bitterness just grow towards the end. Aftertaste is extremely dry and bitter.

That is one tasty and rough Double IPA. Heaviness of both hops and citrus feels balanced although the ride is fast and furious. The finish sandpapers the mouth with dryness. Very powerful brew.

Ölbeat

The song was chosen half by the name of the beer and half or its rocky roughness. Since this was a heavyweight brew, it's good for any craftbeer drinker's engine:

Dire Straits: Heavy Fuel (YouTube)

From the 1991 album On Every Street, the song was written by Mark Knopfler.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Ölbeat 054: Sori Investor IPA

Brewery: Sori Brewing
Country: Estonia
Style: India Pale Ale
Abv: 6,9 %
@RateBeer
Would you invest in this brew?

What about the beer?
Colour is cloudy dark orange with finger-thick natural white head. Aroma has orange, lemon and pineapple. Taste begins with bitter hops and grapefruit. Fresh grapefruit takes over, with a slice of sweet pineapple on the side. When the beer warms up a bit the grapefruit is replaced by heavy lemon-orange flavour. Before the finish mouth gets hit with dry pine and sour grapefruit. Aftertaste is dry and very bitter.

Fresh tasting fruity IPA, where bitterness strikes strongest in the end. The way the flavours evolve when the beer warms up a bit, makes the aroma and the taste fit together well. The brew was named to honour the crowdfunders which helped the brewery to start. That was money well invested.

Ölbeat

Since the beer is rocking fresh, it yells for guitars and classic rock. Because it has been brewed out of respect to the crowdfunders, this legendary tune caught my ear (even though they didn't get the money for nothing):

Dire Straits: Money For Nothing (YouTube)

From the 1985 album Brothers in Arms, the song was written by Mark Knopfler (except the backing vocal line "I want my MTV" by Sting).

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Ölbeat 053: Raduga Lift to the Scaffold

Brewery: Browar Raduga
Country: Poland
Style: Session IPA
Abv: 4,7 %
@RateBeer
A.k.a Elevator to the Gallows, French crime film, 1958
What about the beer?
Colour is semi clear golden with tiny white foam layer. Aroma is dominated by malt with some citrus on the side. Taste bites first with sharp hoppy bitterness. Then comes stiff malty backbone, which is joined by tart lemon. Towards the end the lemon turns to grapefruit. Aftertaste is smoothly dry and bitter.

What can I say? Surprisingly firm and nicely malty session IPA. Great citrus aroma and flavours - both lemon and grapefruit have a refreshing role. Very interesting beer indeed.


Ölbeat

Even though tempted to match the brew with something from the movie's (Ascenseur pour l'échafaud) soundtrack, instead I pick something else from the jazz master behind it. Smooth and tender but still strong fits the brew perfectly: 

Miles Davis: 'Round Midnight (YouTube)

From the 1957 album 'Round About Midnight, the song was written by jazz pianist Thelonius Monk.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Ölbeat 052: Founders Dark Penance

KBrewery: Founders Brewing Company
Country: United States
Style: India Black Ale
Abv: 8,9 %
@RateBeer
Dim remorse? Well, remorse is always dim.
What about the beer?
Colour is black with medium but dense and slowly lowering beige head. Aroma has pineapple, peach, cherries and, when a bit warmed up, grapefruit. Taste starts with roasted tongue-biting bitterness. Then hoppy bitterness and sour grapefruit take over, followed by dry & piny flavors. Towards the end piny dryness and grapefruit dominate, and roasted malts return shortly. Aftertaste is grapefruity bitter and salty dry and lasts long.

Fruity aroma and fresh bitter hops in the first bite get the wagon moving, hoppy grapefruit in the middle adds some steam and at the end of the track there's roast, pine and grapefruit. So there are edges, and there definitely is taste: this is an Imperial IBA to mention. After some experiences with Founders brews I wonder: how hard it is to be unable to brew bad beer?


Ölbeat

Somehow it was again the name that led me in the search of the song. Since penance means absolution or remorse, it was the darkness and the heavy bitterness of the brew, that made me select this song. It puts together couple of stories where the resulting retribution can be dark and bitter:

Megadeth: Trust (YouTube)

From the 1997 album Cryptic Writings, the song was written by Dave Mustaine and Marty Friedman.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Ölbeat 051: Malmgård Emmer IPA

Brewery: Malmgård
Country: Finland
Style: India Pale Ale
Abv: 6,2 %
@RateBeer
From an ancient grain to a modern Finnish brew
What about the beer?
Colour is hazy golden orange with light white crown. Aroma has sweet fruits: orange, pineapple and mango. Taste gives gentle but firm hoppy first bite, until malty citrus flavours of orange and lemon take over. Near finish the taste returns to hops ans is added grapefruit and pine. Aftertaste is hoppy bitter and piny dry.

Whether it's the Malmgård mansion's own Emmer wheat or just skillful brewing, the result is a damn fine fruity India Pale Ale. The chosen hops and malts support the smooth and delicate main taste without running it over or taking its power. The only visible danger here is that this comes a regular and turns into a "routine beer" - I'm taking that risk soon.

Ölbeat

Music with citrus fruit domination and a firm touch of smoothly bitter hops? We'll take a mix of soul and R&B. The artist is the simplest choice but when choosing the song it gets tough. This one matches with Emmer IPA:

Terence Trent D'Arby: Wishing Well (YouTube)

From the 1987 album Introducing the Hardline According to Terence Trent D’Arby, the song was written by D'Arby and Sean Oliver.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Ölbeat 050: Mufloni Saison Gaelach

Brewery: Beer Hunter's
Country: Finland
Style: Saison
Abv: 10,0 %
@RateBeer
Irish-style Farmhouse Ale? Works for me!
What about the beer?
Colour is dark nut brown with tiny instantly dissolving light-coloured crown. Aroma has mostly sour-tart lemon and some hints of whisky and vanilla. Taste bites first with the whisky, but quickly grows into an exciting mix of lemon dominated fruity sourness and whiskey flavour. Near the finish we get some sharp tartness and alcoholic bitterness added to the flavour. Aftertaste is mainly bitter-sour with a twist of alcohol warmth.

I was a bit afraid of what would come out of a hopped saison and six-month long Jameson-barrel aging. After enjoying a bottle I would say you get a hell of a brew that you either love or hate. Since I tasted the unbarreled 7 % version of the beer I'm entitled to say that the aging worked beautifully. The whisky greatly enhances the saison-side of the brew, so the marriage is successful.

Ölbeat

Feeling temptated to grab a traditional Irish folk song because of Jameson-barreling, I decided not to. Since whisky-barrel-aged saison is pretty out there from a Finnish brewery, it's also partly "rock". So, alternative rock it is. And since the brewers of Beer Hunter's (or anyone else) didn't probably know, how good the result would be, let's listen:

Queens of the Stone Age: No One Knows (YouTube)

From the 2002 album Songs for the Deaf, the song was written by band members Josh Homme and Mark Lanegan.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Ölbeat 049: Hiisi Aarni

Brewery: Panimo Hiisi
Country: Finland
Style: India Pale Ale
Abv: 6,9 %
@RateBeer
Aarni = Griffin: partly eagle, partly lion
What about the beer?
Colour is thick amber brown with small natural white head. Aroma has vanilla toffee candy and sweet fruits like pineapple and mango. (So we have a kids' happy hour just smelling the sweetness...) Taste starts with mango-toffeeish sweet hoppy bite. Rye malts, pine and grapefruit strongly step in soon after, on the side there's some fruit, caramel and vanilla. Towards the finish tiny slice of mango is added to the flavour. Aftertaste is dry, bitter and piny.

Very good IPA with some sweet fruity flavours. The rye malts kick in and add some edge to the traditional union of pine and grapefruit. Luckily the taste doesn't fully follow the aroma: the sweetness is toned down from the candy store level and the fruitiness gets more room.

Ölbeat

The brewers recommends this to be enjoyed with Sigur Rós, but nah. We'll grab some music that has connection to the edges, the sweet feeling and the name of the beer, something that also refers to the brewery on its way to success. A huge song from one of the giants of rock after its major successes:  

Pink Floyd: Learning to Fly (YouTube)

From the 1987 album A Momentary Lapse of Reason, the song was written by David Gilmour (main writer), Anthony Moore, Bob Ezrin and Jon Carin.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Ölbeat 048: Huvila Arctic Circle Ale

Brewery: Malmgård
Country: Finland 
Style: Spiced Ale
Abv: 7,3 %
@RateBeer
Northern brew spiced with rye and juniper
What about the beer?
Colour is thick dark brown with medium vanilla head. Aroma has sweet malts, mild toffee and vanilla. Taste starts with moderately hoppy first bite, but quickly turns to sweet malts with herbal notes (juniper?) and rye bread flavour. Toward the finish we get hoppy alcohol-twisted bitterness. Aftertaste has sweet bitterness and alcohol warmth.

Very enjoyable spiced malty ale. The juniper twigs and rye malt used in the brewing really come out and give plenty of unique taste to the beer. It was really fortunate that I managed to grab a bottle of this in February, since right now it's not available. But I'm sure we'll get more in fall. 

Ölbeat

Arctic Circle as an inspirator for and a theme of the brew made me look for a song that reminds me of the northernmost parts of the world. Despite the fact that this particular song was inspired by a solar eclipse in Europe, the Finnish band and the name of the song just popped up to be matched with the beer:

Nightwish: Sleeping Sun (YouTube)

From the 1999 MaxiCD Sleeping Sun (Four Ballads of the Eclipse), the song was written by the band's keyboardist-songwriter Tuomas Holopainen. The song was re-recorded and re-released in 2005 for the compilation album Highest Hopes.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Ölbeat 047: Flying Monkeys Netherworld

Brewery: Flying Monkeys
Country: Canada
Style: India Black Ale
Abv: 6 %
@RateBeer
Monster beer in Canadian style

What about the beer?
Colour is thick bubbly black with small beige head. Aroma has grass and hops with some burned-roasted malts in background. Taste starts hoppy, slightly roasted bitterness in front. Soon roasted malts arrive to the scene stronger with grapefruit. Towards the end taste turns into dry coffeeish bitterness. Aftertaste has bitter hops and dry grapefruit.

Fresh hoppy and gently roasted brew with citrus flavors and a coffee twist in the end. Somewhat unordinary for the style but still very tasty and pretty recognisable Cascadian Dark Ale. The more distinctive beer can sometimes be a better one, and in this case it was.

Ölbeat

The theme, the colour and the overall character ask for something dark and shaking. Though the song ain't about beings from the underworld but about feeling isolated or separated, the dark aggression comes out  loud:

Deftones: Hole in the Earth (YouTube)

From the 2006 album Saturday Night Wrist, the song was written by band members Chino Moreno, Chi Cheng and Abe Cunningham.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Ölbeat 046: Mikkeller Beer Geek Brunch Weasel

Brewery: Mikkeller (brewed at Lervig Aktiebryggeri)
Country: Denmark (brewed in Norway)
Style: Imperial Stout
Abv: 10,9 %
@RateBeer
Pretty tired name - nothing tired in the brew
What about the beer?
Colour is thick black with finger-thick beige head. Aroma has mainly espresso coffee with some chocolate, vanilla and alcohol on the side. Taste offers first sweet black coffee and dark chocolate. Spicy vanilla and caramel malts join the party soon. As we get on with the show, sweet bitter hop and alcohol arrive to the scene. When the sweetness warms up a bit, the combo of coffee, chocolate, bitterness and alcohol gets more coherence and depth. Aftertaste has sweet chocolate, bitterness and alcohol warmth.

There are no words to describe the greatness of this taste experience, but I'll try. The legendary weasel. The abyss of flavours: deep black coffee and dark vanilla-spiced chocolate to drown in, caramel malts, sweet hops and warm alcohol floating inside the liquid. Unique and magnificent.

Ölbeat

Since the name doesn't help in finding a matching song, it's not hard to find a tune that shares the mood and the feeling given by BGBW. Since the original 70's version sounds a bit soft, we'll take the 90's tuned version of this rock track:

Aerosmith: Sweet Emotion (1991 Version) (YouTube)

From the 1991 album Pandora's Box (bonus track; originally from the 1975 album Toys in the Attic), written by vocalist Steven Tyler and bassist Tom Hamilton.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Ölbeat 045: Põhjala Must Kuld

Brewery: Põhjala 
Country: Estonia
Style: Porter
Abv: 7,8 %
@RateBeer
Estonian oil - rich stuff
What about the beer?
Colour is black with medium beige head. Aroma has heavily roasted coffee and burned wood. Taste begins with honeyed black coffee. Dark chocolate and roasted malts get on the train from the next station. Near the finish we get bitter and salty flavours. Aftertaste is bitter-sweet with burned malts.

This version of crude oil is a slow-sip pleasure. Mouthfeel is smooth and silky. Excellent porter with coffee, chocolate and roasted malt domination, supported by sweet, bitter and salty flavours.

Ölbeat

It was the name of the brew that made me choose this song. Well, the rough Australian protest rock classic fits the mood of Must Kuld:

Midnight Oil: Beds Are Burning (YouTube)

From the 1987 album Diesel and Dust, the song was written by band members Rob Hirst, Jim Moginie and Peter Garrett.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Ölbeat 044: Maku IPA

Brewery: Maku Brewing
Country: Finland
Style: India Pale Ale
Abv: 7,3 %
@RateBeer
'Maku' means taste - the IPA has it
What about the beer?
Colour is copper orange with two-finger thick natural white head. Aroma has fresh orange and lemon. Taste gives a fresh and smooth hoppy first bite. After the start strong fruity lemon gets in front with gently bitter background. Towards the end a slice of grapefruit joins the party. Aftertaste is piny dry with some bitterness.

Excellent and enjoyable quality IPA: fresh citrus fruits have the lead and smoothly strong hops follow with discipline. For some reason I have managed to dodge the Maku brews for some time. Now I can admit my mistake and stupidity - won't be doing that anymore.


Ölbeat

Drinking this kind of fine fruity and fresh India Pale Ale makes me want to listen to a fresh jazzy pop song and give an applause to the brewers. How about you?

Sia: Clap Your Hands (YouTube)

From the 2010 album We Are Born, the song was written by Sia Furler and Samuel Dixon.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Ölbeat 043: Emelisse Imperial Russian Stout

Brewery: Brouwerij Emelisse 
Country: the Netherlands
Style: Imperial Stout
Abv: 11 %
@RateBeer
Calm outside hides the fierce character...

What about the beer?
Colour is black with small beige head. Aroma has burned-roasted malts, black coffee and fresh grass. Taste begins with sugar-sweet dark-roast coffee with hints of chocolate. Roast and bitterness slowly grow in the mouth and there are hints of sweet cherries. Near the finish roasted caramel malts and semi-dry bitterness take over with some alcohol-warmth. Aftertaste has sweet-bitter but also opposite dry elements.

Well, that was an Imperial Stout rollercoaster: from very sweet first taste to dry bitterness and then back to both, from strong black coffee through cherry, roast and bitter to malts and warm alcohol. Complex and multiflavoured ride with intense curves and calm straights, an excellent brew from the Dutch.

Ölbeat

The beer with differencies cries for a song with a combination of both rough and peaceful parts. The obvious choice would be a power ballad, so let's stick with it. Here we have a power ballad, that matches with Emelisse IRS:

Queensrÿche: Silent Lucidity (YouTube)

From the 1990 album Empire, the song was written by lead guitarist Chris DeGarmo.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Ölbeat 042: Dunham Imperial Black IPA

Brewery: Brasserie Dunham
Country: Canada 
Style: India Black Ale
Abv: 8,6 %
@RateBeer
Strong bubbles, powerful beer

What about the beer?
Colour is pitch black with beautiful huge foamy light-beige head. Aroma has a clean and fresh scent with mild citrus and roast. Taste bites with sharply bitter hops, especially on tongue. After the hop attack the bitterness grows with roast. Towards the end gentle roast, aggressively bitter grapefruit and dry pine make the party. Aftertaste is sandpaper dry and biting bitter.

What we have here is a "fist-on-the-face" aggressive brew: the match starts with a straight hoppy right to the cheek and ends with a hooky grapefruit left to the chin. This is heavy hardcore stuff, that you shouldn't drink unalerted. Superb craftbeer from the Quebec-based brewery.

Ölbeat

The song matching this Dunham brew had to be "f**k peace, this is rock" song. You can't change the world with beer, can you:

Ozzy Osbourne: I Don't Want to Change the World (YouTube, Live 1992)

From the 1991 album No More Tears, the song was written by Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde, Randy Castillo and Lemmy Kilmister.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Ölbeat 041: Pôhjala Virmalised

Brewery: Pôhjala 
Country: Estonia
Style: India Pale Ale
Abv: 6,5 %
@RateBeer
Northern Lights from Estonia
What about the beer?
Colour is cloudy thick orange with smallish natural white head, which thins down quick. Aroma has fresh orange and mango with thin grassiness. Taste gives bitter hops and grapefruit in first bite. Sourness of lemon and grapefruit take over in the flavour. Towards the finish we get lemon, hops and pine, and even some hints of orange. Aftertaste is nicely dry and bitter.

Overall this one is a very enjoyable, powerful and coherent India Pale Ale. Strong fruity aroma and fresh citrus flavours are accompanied by decently heavy hops. Solid performance from the awarded quality brewery.

Ölbeat

Fresh and fruity brew asks for an energetic pop song. Since 'virmalised' means the Northern Lights in Estonian, there had to be some connection with the name. Well, had to drop the cold direction here:

Ellie Goulding: Lights (YouTube)

From the 2010 album Lights (bonus track & single from 2011 re-release Bright Lights), the song was written by Ellie Goulding, Richard Stannard and Ash Howes.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Ölbeat 040: Nøgne Ø Imperial Stout

Brewery: Nøgne Ø
Country: Norway
Style: Imperial Stout
Abv: 9 %
@RateBeer
Excellence looks like this: the front...

What about the beer?
Colour is delicious thick black with medium beige head. Aroma has black coffee, dark chocolate and roasted malts.Taste gets a heavily bitter hoppy start that stays in front long. Roasted chocolate malts grow slowly in the mouth, strong black coffee and salty chocolate enter later. Dry bitterness comes back in the end. Aftertaste has long-lasting roasty malts and bitterness.

The beer is a thick and complex combination of strong elements. Everything has lots of weight, nothing is left half-way. Magnificent, extremely enjoyable and very slow brew.

...and the back. Now - get one!

Ölbeat

Black, heavy, strong, aggressive. The matching song wasn't hard to choose - taste the beer and find the reason:

Metallica: Wherever I May Roam (YouTube)

From the 1991 album Metallica, the song was written by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Ölbeat 039: Orval

Brewery: Brasserie d'Orval
Country: Belgium
Style: Belgian Ale
Abv: 6,2 %
@RateBeer
Magic carpet ride in liquid form
What about the beer?
Colour is bubbly hazy copper brown with aggressively huge foamy white head. Aroma has deep sourness by vinegar and lemon and dry apple, and it reminds a bit of dry white wine. Taste begins with extreme sourness, which is strengthened by high carbonation. Fruits and lemon join the fun, followed by some overripe grapes and banana flavour. Bitter and yeast flavours get loose near the finish. Aftertaste is sandpaper-dry with some lemon-sourness on top.

Damn. That was a perfectly rich, fresh and versatile journey inside one beer. Unforgettably powerful sourness in the beginning, bitter fruit salad in the middle and breath-taking dryness in the end. The brewery really doesn't need any other commercial beer, if this is what they brew.

Ölbeat

Sour beer could be translated to grumpy people's music, but I'll abandon that idea. Rich fruits and Belgian yeast turn the sourness in my case to funky beats, fresh and soulful funk, if I think a little further. Since there's definitely something magical and nonunderstandable in Orval, this song matches with it perfectly:  

Stevie Wonder: Superstition (YouTube)

From the 1972 album Talking Book, written by Stevie Wonder.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Ölbeat 038: Pyynikin Vahvaportteri

Brewery: Pyynikin Käsityöläispanimo
Country: Finland
Style: Imperial Porter
Abv: 7,5 %
@RateBeer
Enjoy - or the Bogeyman gets ya!

What about the beer?
Colour is black as the night with medium beige head. Aroma has roasted malts, black coffee, hops and a tiny slice of liquorice. Taste begins with black coffee and sweet bitter hops in front. It smoothly rounds up to roasted caramel malt, and towards the finish liquorice and dark chocolate are added to the palette. Some rye taste is clearly present. Aftertaste is dry bitter and slightly burned.

Here we have a classic imperial porter at the purest. Slightly roasted malts, black coffee and sweet bitterness make this one a very enjoyable brew. As a bonus we get some liquorice and rye. Excellent - gets my recommendation.
 

Ölbeat

Something dark, powerful and spooky was the kind of music that was needed here. After some searching I got my hands to this happy and joyful tune. My apologies to the band (and the blog readers), but instead of the razor blade I'll keep choosing the bottle opener: 

Children of Bodom: Blooddrunk (YouTube)

From the 2008 album Blooddrunk, the song was written by Alexi Laiho.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Ölmönger Special: Why should you avoid beer festivals? Part 2: People

In the first part of this two-part miniseries about the reasons to stay away from beer festivals and events, we discussed the things:
  • how much money you lose by attending
  • why the beer selection can't attract the consumer and
  • what makes the events predetermined "must-have" and in fact unworthy experiences.

"Going to the BeerFest? It's a bit crowded here..."
Since things are usually simple and understandable you can easily pass them, just accept that you spend a fairly large sum of money to a limited amount of non-special beer and a trivial experience at its best and buy the ticket. That's why we have take a look at the complex and illogical element of the beer festivals: people.

* * *

Let's start with the minority: the people behind the counter. The brewers or their representatives are there because they want to get the audience to know their products, thereby add the demand of their brews and thereby make a better living. For that goal, wasting a couple days by pouring drinks to and babbling nonsense with more or less drunk customers is quite inefficient. Hearing the same stories of people's experiences of either their brewery or previous events, the same praises of their beers, the same taste descriptions and the same "I love beer, people, everything" rants again and again gets boring quickly. The time and the money would be much better spent at the brewery improving the beer recipes and brewing more and better beer, and then making the salespeople work for their salary by expanding their products' market area. Quitting not only attending beer festivals but also whining about the legal obstacles of practicing their profession would show progressive thinking.

The organizers tell us that they're "taking the beer culture forward" and "bringing beer people together". Well, even though we're living in a society polluted by social media, people still get together, drink better beer than ever and so the beer culture develops by itself without artificial and superficial polishing. The organizers get away with a nice profit with low costs and without serious effort, so the fairytale pays off very well.

* * *

Then we get to the audience. The crowd. The beer people. You and your 1 357 so-called friends. The real problem.

First, there's always too much audience. I somehow understand how people gather to concerts, sport events, public lectures, riots and even Sunday service, since there's something like the agenda. But in beer events there's not, since brewers, honored guests or so-called beer experts having a word or two of stupid trivial sh*t that no one is even remotely interested in, does not serve the purpose. There's just beer, not particularly special beer, as we noticed in the previous post.

Not enough beer, but decent glasses per people ratio
Second, most of the people are wasted: they either lose their plan to control their drinking or don't even have that plan in the beginning. That makes them canned faster than Carlsberg. When they become drunk, they get noisy and annoying. Unluckily it happens to be that way, that the people who tend to have some control on their drinking are noisy or at least annoying enough even when sober. So, what else can you do with these people than start drinking your brains and feet out.

* * *

Of course, if there were just a lot of people getting drunk, that would basically be a typical night at the pub. A ridiculously large pub with a ridiculous number of people inside, to be exact. But no: it comes to who the people are - too many are craft beer hipsters. The definition of craft beer hipster: an occasional beer drinker, who flies with the beer trends and changes his own ones just for fun. If you tell that you drank and liked a beer that the hipster recommended you last week, it's already out of fashion. If you tell him that you liked a beer that he doesn't know or hasn't tasted, he's seemingly annoyed and can't admit to have liked it after having it a week later. The hipster's behaviour and appearance are another story, but that's not worth further exploring.

In addition to the hipsters there are two smaller beer-drinker groups that bug you to the bone when seen in beer events. 

First one is the raters: those beer enthusiasts who seem to feel obliged to give each beer they ever drink a score. Sadly they do it in beer events, too: scratch their heads, make notes and give points with their smartphones or notebooks. Probably saving the notes and points in UnTappd, PintPlease, RateBeer, BeerAdvocate or some other rating database. While having their 25th different 1 deciliter sip of the day. My mouth would be pretty out of the game after five sips of different beers, and with a small dose like 1 dl (3,4 oz.) I have drunk the damn thing before it shows it true nature. Probably the raters have more stamina and speed in their mouth. However, the comparibility between beers hasn't got any credibility if done in a beer event. Somehow I've come to the conclusion that credibility isn't the word that should be attached to beer rating at all, since whether you like the beer a lot or not is eventually decided by your own mouth..

The other sad minority group often seen in beer events is the bloggers, self-centered bastards who write about beer and probably even rate it with descriptions in the Internet. These guys and girls aren't able to have fun in a beer event. They're constantly taking pictures of the beers that they drink and writing notes about them. So they're bad and boring company and should be avoided. After the event each of them publishes a blog post describing similar things: how they arrived to the event(!), the beers they tasted, the bad food they knew to be bad but still ate, the people they saw(!!), heard (!!!) or spoke with (!!!!), the overall mood they got from the event and some words of hindsight about the place, the prices or the organizing they call criticism. In the worst case, someone has got the "great" idea to have a blogger meeting before or during the event. Jesus, what kind of anticlimaxes of life, thought and discussion they must be.

The fun part in the event posts are the beer rankings or the descriptions of the beers, because the diversity of consumed beer isn't usually just a couple, rather 15-30 different brews. Basically describing the beers after losing the senses of sight, smell, taste and time and ranking something in an order during or after has the same problem as the rating does: you can't trust the descriptions or rankings at all.

* * *
       
You find blog posts about Tallinn Craft Beer Weekend in these Finnish blogs: Brewniverse, Humalablogi, Keikyblogi, Punavuori Gourmet, Tuopillinen, Tuopin ääressä (also the trip), Tyttö ja tuoppi and Vaahtokruunu.

On the other hand these bloggers spent a minute or two recollecting their memories of Helsinki Beer Festival: Arde arvioi (1st day & 2nd day), Bönthöö Bönthöö, Humalablogi, Kaunis humala, Keikyblogi, Maistuva mallas, mushiMALT (1st day & 2nd day), Pari sanaa oluesta, Tuopillinen and Tyttö ja tuoppi.

If you get sad when you can't understand texts that are utter crap, then sadly these all are in Finnish. After saying that, I must admit that I kinda liked the travel post that Johnny Rio at Tuopin ääressä made about his trip to Tallinn: I don't know what and how many mushrooms he ate while writing but I'd like to have the same.

Now I hear some colleague blogger cry out: "How can you call my blogpost on Halapaluuza Tap Party crap?" Well, darling, let's say I've actually read your blog and compared the level of your event posts to the level of your normal posts. You don't actually raise the bar by carving sculptures from extrement after writing mostly good and even some excellent stuff, do you?

I see the confusion in the colleague's face but then a victory smile: "But still: how can you call any blog posts crap? You write worse than the rest of us. Your Ölbeats are from the deepest sh*t sewer tunnels that no one of us others has ever had nightmares about." Exactly, honey. You're learning.
     

Special Ölbeat

I shouldn't be picking on people, people are not bad. People are shiny and happy:

R.E.M.: Shiny Happy People (Youtube)

From the 1991 album Out of Time, the song was written by R.E.M. The song is hated even by the band itself. I would probably give this track one to the top spots of the most annoying and redundant songs ever. It fits perfectly to this continuum of meaninglessness.